| taking the scenic route, thanks… |

This is a public service announcement…. brought to you by Vernacular Dysfunction.

Friends, our world is in trouble. There are many signs of the rise of crazy showing all around us. Gas is expensive as all hell, the UC system is borrowing money to lend it out, Lady Gaga is dripping “blood” while hanging on cable tv. What is this world coming to!? I would like to bring your attention to something that is slowly and quietly pushing its way into our lives and looks to exert more and more control over us everyday. It is something that seems unassuming/mediocre, but extends its agenda onto people without them ever even noticing it. This menace might not even seem like much of a threat to you, but it’s keeping people controlled every day!

what am I speaking of you ask? What kind of diabolical underground evil would dare invade our very busy, satisfying, and never boring lives?!

I am speaking of lines!

No, I have not been doing lines of anything. (Although, I am grateful for the “concern”)

Lines! Everywhere I go, I’m seeing lines. I have to deal with them all the time. Has our desire for order reduced us to people who just go through life following the lines?! Trying to retrieve food at my local grocer becomes a showdown with the infamous line. Seriously, I just want to have an encounter with this chicken pot pie, I can’t do that as soon as I’d like because I’m fighting off a serious line to pay for my delicious goods. By the time I’m done in most stores, I’m not even willing to wait for my dinner to cook. I have to gear up to battle during my travel endeavors! Traffic is just a bunch of long lines. Everyday I am forced to weave my way through them, fighting others for a chance to arrive at my workplace on time and earn my money. I won’t even mention the idea of the DMV. Waiting in the lines at that place is simply a torture that should not be reserved for anyone. Lines even invade my quest for personal entertainment and enjoyment. I have made many trips to Magic Mountain. Every time you go to an amusement park of any kind, you are going with the intention of having fun and getting on some rides. What you end up with however, is a trip that is 75% line surfing, 10% enjoying the actual ride, and 15% walking between actual line destinations! It would seem to me that I’m paying good money for a day to be waiting in lines. I could really do that anywhere.

What about order? What about the structure and organization these lines bring to our everyday lives?

I say that is a lie! It’s a well constructed cover-up, established to make us think that lines are completely necessary. I have a hard time believing that pandemonium is being held back by the simple use of lines. America is all about freedom right? I live in a time and day where you are applauded for being able to think and act outside of the box (yes, I just got all cliché with it). How can I possibly express myself freely and immediately, when I’m in a line? You know how you always see disgruntled adults? You don’t usually see disgruntled kids do you? Why is that? That’s because kids don’t waste their time in lines, they go where they want, how they want. They aren’t waiting around to live life.

Lines are just a construction of forced control! I might be the only one who sees things this way, but it’s an important idea to grasp. I will lead the resistance against these lines, because I feel it is necessary to take back some control in my life. If I don’t fight for it, who will?! There are so many innocent victims of this oppression, who are blind to the danger that they really face due to these lines.

I shall push against them. I will speak out, to promote the knowledge that life doesn’t have to be contained and lived between the lines. It shall be my pleasure to forge a path for myself that is as crooked as the smile that will perch upon my lips, as I propel myself through a life uninhibited by such useless boundaries.

Damn you lines! I shall no longer allow myself to be subjugated to your rule of terror. I have to believe that there is something better out there for me, something beautiful and chaotic.

I am off to find the road less traveled… Mostly because there’s little to no people on that particular stretch. I need a lot of room to follow my ambition, and other people will just get in my way!

To my destiny! To a life uninhibited by lines… Even if it takes a while.

Freedom, baby! Pure freedom.


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