| love = marriage? |

wedding rings

I always thought that marriage was this crazy wonderful time in life that would change your heart forever…The idea of wedding rings always symbolized an undying love and a union that will last forever, no matter what came up. I always thought that the devotion of two people could inspire others who witnessed. There is something special about being able to say that you have found that someone who makes you think that life is worth living. Hearing stories of such love always made me want to try it someday.

A lot of people get married with selfish intentions. The idea is:  “now I’ll have that special someone who will love me  no matter what. I’ll be able to get away with things that I have never been able to get away with, because this person loves me.” Some of the saddest stuff is the mentality that marriage will be a vehicle for change. There are some many people who look at marriage like it’s this great threshold, through which all annoying tendencies and immature ideas/thoughts will be whisked away (like Dorothy after clicking her heels together). That’s the most disappointing thing that I notice in people. Marriage will do nothing to eliminate things that you didn’t like before it occurs. People might not expect their partner to change, perhaps there’s something that they think will change about themselves.  Something about that just screams ridiculous to me, but what do I know about being married right? Technically, I can’t even get a date… (ooh, burn.. blah, blah)

loveI know that “love” is just not enough to make a marriage survive. There’s a delightful verse in the Bible that lists what love is and what love isn’t. 1st corinthians 13:4-8 talks about the things that love is, and what love isn’t. Love isn’t defined through a bunch of foofy feelings only! The feelings can be valid. What is at the core of the verse though, is that love requires work! Two lazy people in a relationship are bound to have a marriage with holes in it. It just lends itself to problems. “Love” isn’t what’s going to get you through those rough patches. It is usually during those times that most people wonder what they saw in their significant other in the first place.  I’m pretty sure that lots of divorces occur in this country because someone has felt that they were so neglected that they couldn’t bear to go on the way they were living. Something wasn’t working for them anymore. I’m not saying that there are  no good reasons for getting divorced, I’m just saying that a lot of the time, it appears that the problems people have when married were there before they got married. The couple in question, just usually has some kind of  “love” blinders on before they get married. They don’t see the possibility of disaster, it’s all about the fact that they’ve found someone that they are so in “love” with, that they can’t bear to be without them.

Marriage is comprised of copious amounts of the same thing all other relationships are comprised of…. WORK. Yup. work. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It’s not something that you should go into treading lightly. Love is what can make that work feel less like work. Love is like the chaser that you down after you have a tequila shot. You like the tequila, but it just goes down really harsh without that chaser. The idea is that you sacrifice for the person that you love. Sacrifice usually requires you stepping outside of yourself and making strides for another person. It is hard for me to hear about you loving someone, when you are only looking for how that person makes you feel, or focused on what that person does/doesn’t do for you. That’s almost like asking for a big cup of fail to be poured for you and placed in front of you at your dinner table.

People supposedly fall out of love all the time. I don’t know if I can believe that. This quote straight from the Bible… “Love never Fails”. Which would mean to me, that this “love” that I hear about when people are fighting/teetering on the brink of relationship destruction, isn’t really love at all. It’s just a very strong feeling towards someone. Definitely not enough to make a relationship on, and (as is usually proven) not nearly enough at all to base a marriage on.

3 thoughts on “| love = marriage? |

  1. Well said Mr. Smith! Marriage takes work and I’m sure a heck of a lot more work than anyone could have imagined…BUT when marriage do work and they do last, I’m sure it makes it all worth the work. 😉

    That’s why I love seeing joyful elderly married couples together – it’s rare to see, but when you do, it warms my heart because you can tell their relationship is a true testimony to the kind of marriage that God has intended for us to experience in the first place.

    • yeah, it’s an awesome thing to behold, and to hear about. listening to the stories of people who have been married for a long time is always a blessing in itself.

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