| too much |

A few weeks ago, I decided to venture out of my comfort shell and take a step towards becoming a true adult.

Some of my friends are purchasing houses, getting married, or having children. These are valid indicators of the transition into different stages of life. Usually an indication of growing up.

I have reached one of these milestones (no, I’m not having a child). I procured one of these delightful beauties.

Yessir, I have become a card carrying member of the Costco club of warehouse supermarkets. I never thought that I would reach this place in life. To me, it was a place reserved for the most mature and adult of our species. People who wield this card have the power to save! Save in ways that should be illegal in the contiguous 48 states of America. Where else am I legally allowed to purchase 5 gallons of mayo for $7.98? (there’s no better way to guzzle down a cheese sandwich, you know.) A responsible adult can get enough food to feed a small neighborhood for the most meager of wages.

Of course, there is the $5 question: “why would you even think that a costco membership is anywhere near the same level as getting married?!”

I guess it’s not that big of a deal, but I mean, that place is freakin’ ridiculous.

It doesn’t look so imposing from the outside. Just a quaint mega mall of  coma inducing capitalistic wonderland. Inside this place is a jungle of all  sorts of fanciful wares and delights. Seriously, this is one of the only places  that I can think of, where you need to be a brilliant strategist, an economics  whiz, and a cut-throat fighter at the same time. It takes a grueling discipline  to even entertain the thought of a costco run. You have to go into that place  with a full game plan. You should probably retrieve the schematics of the  specific store that you’re planning to frequent, and map out strategic points  of interest, along with various spots where you can rest incognito style. All  of this is just to hit up the various (and daunting) sample carts.

You just have to respect a place where you can purchase a brand new car, the insurance for said car, the gas for said car, and the groceries to fill that car, all in one money depleting outing. I can’t think of one thing that you can’t purchase at Costco, which I have to admit is a huge selling point for a place like that. If you want to get everything pretty much crossed off your shopping list, this would be the place to live the dream. You can get food, prepared or refrigerated, you can pick up the cleaning supplies for the house, grab some new pants for Billy’s school time, pick up some nice electronic television (to keep yourself busy while Billy is doing the school thing.)

I seriously get scared when I even approach a place like this. As soon as I hit the door, I’m already being barraged by 20 questions of investigation. (Umm, sir? are you a member of Costco? Can I see your membership card?). It’s almost as if they don’t want me to come into the store and spend some money with them. Definitely a little bit overwhelming to see big screen televisions on one aisle, and top of the line computer set ups across the aisleway. That place is seriously much too overwhelming. When I go, I feel like I’ve climbed up a beanstalk. Everything is so large and spread out. I was considering getting  segway the other day, just to travel from one place to the other within the store. I quickly abandoned that idea, as soon as I realized that there was no real reason for me to pour any more money into this place than I had to. I’m still relatively new to this whole experience. I went to a Costco store, and I ended up only using the membership card to help my friends Henry and Christie with some purchases that they needed to have tended to. I walked in, sized up my opponent, and decided that I wanted to escape alive and unscathed.

As of this writing, I have not made a real purchase from Costco, but I have managed to refer some friends to that place, to be able to witness the spectacular effect that this type of bulk shopping can have on someone. I don’t feel like I can even handle all of the awesome that is put together in one place. I need to join some kind of support group to help me with getting to know exactly how to use Costco as a power move for life. If I get familiar with the way that things are laid out/requested of me, I think I could actually do some damage to the schedule, and to the registers.

The way that I’m going to attack this, is to just get the basics down, over a few weeks. One week, I’ll kinda study the philosophy of going earlier, and/or during the weekdays, instead of the weekend.

I hear it can be quite crazy. A little too much!

I’m out…

2 thoughts on “| too much |

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