I’m going to be undertaking a project. I want to try letting go of some of the things that hold me back in life. You might be wondering why I will be doing this in blog form. Welp. I just feel like it’s something that might be helpful. I’m going to be talking about some of my fears/holdups/and issues. This is not just a chance for me to rant about where I think I’m falling short. I want to also challenge myself to do things that I never thought I could. Do things differently than I think it’s possible to. This is the beginning.
Self Fulfilling Prophecies
It is widely said that if you can believe it, you can achieve it. This is constantly used to encourage people to dream big. When I was younger, it meant that there was nothing outside of my grasp. I just had to work hard towards a vision that I had, and that vision would become real. I could grow up and be an astronaut, or a president, or a doctor! I could make a program that would become the world’s next Google, or Yahoo! All it takes is positive thinking. That’s what I was always told.
The thing that is not always explained to us, is that this also works in the opposite direction. The negative things that we think can also come to fruition. If we think that we cannot do something, then we simply won’t. It isn’t because you are not worthy of having anything good. Sometimes, things don’t go your way because you don’t believe that they can.
Sometimes I think about things negatively. Sometimes I don’t believe that things are as normal/pure as they can be. Thinking about things negatively can set up a powerful cycle of disappointment. A lot of times, this looks like something I could’ve predicted, and I’m correct (kinda). I’m not clairvoyant. I do take an active part in making things happen.
I have always had a bit of a feeling that I have the propensity for being invisible. I have lived a lot of my life with the assumption that people aren’t watching me, or paying attention to anything that I’m doing. Not because I’m doing anything specifically wrong or crazy, just that there are more exciting things going on in people’s lives. In my head, I even believe that there are better things that my friends could be doing, than hanging out with or worrying about me. The truth is, I am consistently surprised and amazed at the fact that people actually do pay attention to me. Even though my mind might tell me that this is not the case. One of my biggest dreams has always been to make an impact with people. I want to be a good influence on anyone that I come into contact with.
I’ve been the one that’s been holding myself back. Every time I decline an invitation to hang out with someone, or decide to not be social, I’m making myself invisible. I take myself out of situations where I could be beneficial. That could just be me being present for some things. Every time that I choose myself over other people, I distance myself and make it harder for people to see me. Literally. I hide under the guise of introversion. I am an introvert, but the extent to which I live that out is not that of someone who wants to get past it, but someone who has wanted to hide within it. Someone who has wanted to use it as a crutch.
The first challenge for myself, is to get back into being social. Doing things with people is the first step to regaining some vulnerability. Vulnerability is what will push me forward towards my dream of just being involved with, and influencing people. I need to push towards renouncing introversion. People aren’t all out to hurt/betray me. Time to step out and start having some trust.