|little voice|

When I was really young, I fell in love with the power of words. It didn’t matter whether they were written, sung, or spoken. There was power in the ability to convey something through language. Some people, of course, package them in palatable packages better, but there are very few ways to better demonstrate a thought, a belief, or just a feeling. This is why some of us fall in love with word-based artforms. I enjoy a good book, I love spoken word performances, and it’s one of the reasons that I love music the way that I do. The melody and the interplay of the feeling expressed with the words always slays me.

When I was a little bit older, I realized that this power could be mine. Even though I might not want to say things out loud all the time, I could write something and people would respond/react to it. There was a commonality and usually for me, writing things down got people to pause long enough to pay attention to me and listen to my side of things. I might not have always been a great conversationalist, but I was always able to just sit and crank out my thoughts with ease. During therapy, I made the association of my good feeling times with being able to throw words together on paper. When I wasn’t doing well mentally, I could always count on having some kind of problem with writing. Either I was too lazy to sit still for the 15 minutes or so that it took to write something, or I just didn’t feel like anything that I had to say was worth putting down. I used to write poetry, these days, I just like to get my thoughts out of my head.

I’ve always believed that people had to be careful with the words that they choose. I was never much of a fan of talking just to hear my own voice. I know what it sounds like when I speak. I know that there is power in the spoken word. When you want to remember something, you repeat it to yourself. Words can be a powerful uplifter, something that brings people together, or they can be used to tear people apart. The idea is that you keep good words of encouragement (of any kind) for various situations that you might go through. To keep yourself calm, you might repeat a word or phrase a couple of times to keep your mind off things.

That being said, one of the keys to life that I’m noticing in my self-reintroduction recently, is that you have to want it. If there’s anything that you want, you set a goal for it, or you figure out ways that you can actually make that thing appear/happen/true. If you identify the want, then you have a way to rally around that and change your situation/circumstances to get the results that you want. Usually, when a person is excited about something, they can’t stop talking about it. It’s stuck in their brains and that manifests itself in their everyday conversations. It’s why people have mantras, something that you can remind yourself of, over and over, to get a coveted result. There is something to be said for things like vision boards and goal journals. They keep you focused on the prize. Whatever that prize happens to be.

I want to start challenging myself to be more intentional with my speech. Even when I’m just rambling about things, I need to start being more positive and uplifting about what is coming out of my mouth. I’ve been saying for so many years now that I don’t like this thing, or I don’t like that thing. It’s keeping me boxed in and I think that I need to stop putting these kinds of restraints on myself. I have been throwing around words like: “I never want to date” or “I hate dating”. These are not fully true, but putting stuff like that out there keeps me single. Whether or not that will be my intent, you say something enough times and it becomes true. There was a time back in about 2k16 where I was vocal about what I wanted and I started moving towards those things. Right near the end of my therapy time, I was asked about what I wanted. The things that I said out loud are things that I’m enjoying in life right now. There is a power in being able to say something and I’ve been pretty careless with my power. Time to tighten that up and speak some good things into my life.

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