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My unsuspecting heart
has once again fallen upon blind eyes
meaningless charades often take place
I’ve put myself into a volatile role
one where my emotions can’t be controlled
I portray one thing
while I’m thinking of something else
conflicting positions ripping me apart
I’m gift wrap in the hands of a child
duality is suffocating me
I cannot play both roles
when my heart wants to follow one
though door number 1 is unlocked
I’m being forced through door number 2
though I know what I want
I feel like I’m wrong
damned if for once, I can’t do what I feel
I think now is the most pain
I’ve felt in a long, long while
why do I care? I don’t know how much I want it
the driving fact is that I do
I care enough
enough to go constantly crazy
falling prey to unnecessary anguish
I want to close my eyes and wish myself away
to be pardoned from this sentence
I don’t know why I deserve this
but forgiveness I pray
as each day a little more of me deteriorates
falling susceptible to the fallacies of infatuation
I envy someone’s privilege
someone more deserving than me

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