Tag Archives: life

HalfCrazy

Never thought that we would ever be more than friends, now I’m all confused, cause for you, I have deeper feelings…

This is where it starts.

One morning you wake up and everything seems to be completely normal. Sun’s out shining, the birds are chirping, but you’re completely bored. Don’t mistake it, there are SO many things that you could be doing. The adult life presents nothing less than 1 billion choices and responsibilities (nap time, am I right?).

You spend time with people innocuously, you share a little bit of yourself and get to know someone. You enjoy spending time with them and doing mundane things together and somewhere the creep sets in. Initially, (if you’re me), you fight it. Technically, I’m not interested in girls anymore. I’m all about that single life! No more thinking about any of that stuff. It’s been a good run so far, but I’m only like 8 months into the mission. I’m seriously shortchanging the rest of my life, guys. Something is wrong with my math, or my head (either is a viable choice, actually). You convince yourself that there is no reason to be concerned, you’re steady in your choices and that’s simply going to be that!

For a little while, you’re actually ok like this. You get about a month or so under your belt and you don’t have any outbursts or any feelings or anything. Maybe you’ve beaten this thing! You, have figured out a way to keep yourself on the outside of things and you’re flying high. You’re also quite ridiculous and running on the fumes of pride, you silly, silly fool. So unassuming. So recklessly hopeful. hehe.

One day, you reach that tipping point… One hangout too many. One interaction that throws everything off. Some interesting insight, some drawn out conversation. Something pushes you back over the edge and makes you sit up and take renewed notice. Next thing you know, you’re chillin’ on a Saturday, wishing that you were in this person’s company and holding off from any extraneous communication, for sanity’s sake. Even better yet, you want to hang out with them during the week, or whenever you’re not in the middle of a meeting or gathering of any sort. Interesting, no?

In the back of your head, however, there is something exciting about the idea of being excited about someone. It’s been a minute since that was a thing for you and finally, it’s just more of a happy situation than anything else. It’s like a breath of fresh air and honestly, it gives you the desire to be open and let something happen, which was completely off the table after the last year that you had. So, what happens? Do you play it cool and let something happen, do you make a move and push forward, or do you just keep that little joy to yourself, in hopes that when another situation presents itself, you’re fully ready to go all the way in on it?

Like our friend Usher Raymond said: “Situations… Will arise. In our lives, but you gotta be smart about it”.
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| Worst Behavior! |

I am an idea man.

There. I said it.

Some dudes aspire to be movers and shakers. Some dudes aspire to be point men, and they want to have a hand in all of the endeavors that they can manage. Me? I like to think. I like to think, and I like fleshing out ideas. However, I tend to think that ideas are not the sexiest thing in the world (cause I’m an expert on sexy, obviously). If you really think about it though, ideas are what keep things going! Just think, if no one ever thought about being luxuriously comfy/warm all the time, we’d never have such classics as the snuggy! Who wants to think of a world without a snuggy? Is this a fair question to be asked from someone who has never worn a snuggy?

Hi. I’m tired. Whoops, what a way to introduce myself. Actually, my name is Justin *takes bow*. I’m silly, I’m dorky, (sometimes funny) but, I am also an INFP. (What did you just call me?!) There are lots of convoluted definitions as to what this really means, so I’m just going to go with the breakdown as I understand it:

Introvert – This means that I can get away with not wanting to deal with small talk, big group settings, and helps to illustrate my occasional social awkwardness to people. I get my energy from being alone, and I operate well within the confines of one-on-one hanging out. However, this also means that I’m really good with speaking in front of people, because I can disconnect myself from an audience (this can come in handy sometimes).

iNtuitive – This means that I can judge stuff, because that’s how I gain information from it. I also base my actions/ideas on past dealings and experiences. This can keep me safe, it can also keep me unnecessarily guarded in things.

Feeling – I’m just a big sap. There’s no shame to that (right)? I’m a lover, not a fighter, and supposedly, I’m good at picking up what you’re putting down (If you feel me 😉 ).

Perceiving – I’m supposed to be really observant about things (usually, I’m just blankly staring into space, but i’ll take it). It also means that if you invite me to something, you might want to tell me to get there 15-20 minutes before you really want to start. This is the best way to get me to be on time for things. I am not a jerk, I just feel like I have ALL THE TIME for EVERYTHING, EVER (it’s a wonder I’m not more tired than I am).

I often find myself setting rather lofty (or maybe not so lofty) goals in life. At the beginning of the year, I told myself that I would take one photo a day, for the entirety of a year. I also told myself that I would be getting to the gym at least 3 times a week. Now, based on the proximity to New Year’s day, I could understand if you just wrote these things off simply as resolutions for the coming year. However, as the dork that I am, I considered these to be full-time life changes. The fact that I did not make it past 2 months on the gym thing, and 111 days on the photo project should not reinforce your aforementioned judgement on my short term life changes (thank you very much, Mr./Mrs./Ms. Mc Judgerson!). This type of thing is normal for me, really. I get all big and excited about something, and then get distracted by another big, shiny idea in short order.

Now then, onto the reasons that I love the fall. DAMMIT Justin, STAY FOCUSED.

drakeAs I sat and pondered things up to this point, I remembered that there was one thing that I set out to do this year that I was able to follow through on! Thanks to Drake, I had a mantra set for myself for 2014: WORST BEHAVIOR! This was going to be the year that I spent some time really trying to get away from doing things the way that I usually did, up to this point. It was supposed to inspire me to get out in the world and start really just jumping on opportunities and taking chances in ways that I was not used to. I wanted to shake things up, why not? What was holding me back from any of that? The interesting thing is that without even knowing, I was able to do just that (oh, such the cliché).

As corny as this might seem. I totally got started on the road of the idea of Worst Behavior, thanks to an experience that I had around a young lady that I fancied right at the end of the 2013. I said nothing to her about any interest in her, and she up and got a boyfriend (NOT me, of course)! Which was awesome for her, but made me realize that I needed to start making some opportunities for myself, and acting on them. Life throws out some great situations for us, but if we’re too busy chasing after the wrong thing, or hesitating on everything, stuff really just passes you by. I didn’t want to be on the fly-by list anymore.

Right from the beginning of the year, my idea was that I should start saying yes to a lot of things, and stop saying no to a lot of things. I remember that I was meeting up with my accountability group (yup, this post is about to get REAL Christian, Ya’ll!) and they were asking me about when I’d stop saying no to church, and try going to a small group or something. It was high time that I was getting involved again with things. I started pondering what that looked like. Up to that point, I had not regularly been attending church for at least a good year, and the church that i’d left, did not feel like a place that I was totally comfortable with. The people that were there were good folk, and a lot of them were awesome, but I just never really fit in completely (first world church problems). I went a couple of times and thought that it might be time to check out a new place.

I landed at a church called Re:generation. I had been there a couple of times, and remembered that some people that I had known (in what feels now like a past life), had attended. I thought that I would give it a good college try. I checked things out around early April, and decided to stick with things after Easter. Of course, I wasn’t just throwing myself out there yet, but I did end up meeting some cool people, and decided to jump into a home group, to check things out. Of course, I was shy, and didn’t know what to expect, but I found a group of people who were excited about life, and about pursuing Jesus together. I got hooked up with Late Night (Shout Out the the Late Night Crew!).

Also, a college friend, Erin found me after church one time, and mentioned that I should play cajon at church (Just in case you’re interested, a cajon is a wood box that is kinda like an acoustic drum). I found out that there was a monthly Jam Session at church, and decided to jump in one week and see what things were like. This turned into me having a quick convo with a gal by the name of Jane, who just happened to be the worship leader. She thought that it would be a good call for me to start playing with the worship team on some Sundays. Again, this being a “yes year”, I told her that I would jump in. It was pretty awkward at first, but after a couple of Sundays, I felt like I was able to play in front of the congregation with some confidence. It was awesome, as it opened up conversations with people at church that I don’t think I would’ve had if left to my own devices.

One of the most interesting things that I found was that I could be real with people at home group. This was completely different than I had been accustomed to in the past few years. People were struggling with real stuff and they were willing to open up about it and challenge each other on things. This was quite refreshing, and led me to want to invest more deeply with the people in the home group. My roommate Wayne has even began to see people regularly at my house as I decided to open my place up to hosting the home group. It’s kinda awesome, cause it makes me feel like an important part of the group, but also gave me access to having some conversations with people that I would not have had before… Including this really amazing woman that I met through the church… However, that’s a different and awesome story, in itself.

I randomly sat down earlier this evening and thought about how I hadn’t followed through with a bunch of things that I wanted to do this year (I am working hard to still hit my goal of getting 30 books read by the end of the year), and realized that I actually came really far with the simple idea of changing things up, and being open to new possibilities that were showing themselves around me. WORST BEHAVIOR for me, meant me getting out of my head a bit, and out of my comfort zone even more. The year isn’t even quite done, and I have a lot of exciting things on the way… It’s good to be able to recognize that, and I’m grateful for what 2014 has had for me.

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| Happy Days |

I’m a simple type guy. (sometimes this means that people think I’m just simple…. haters)

Sometimes the smallest things can make me so happy. Something like just being able to hum a nice melody (while crying myself to sleep.)

I am ridiculously happy these days. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve began to worry some people. I’ve been literally asked if I was ok. I’ve been doing things that I don’t normally do. I’ve started smiling at work, skipping while walking, Singing to myself for no reason (let’s not lie, I’ve always done that last one.)

Musicals, poetry, and people. All that suff has started to come back to me. I’m finally beginning to go out and explore my neighborhood. In all actuality, this hermit stuff has really been doing nothing for my complexion. All this has began to make me feel like the old me is back! I’m blogging (which may or may not be a bad thing for people who are reading this.) I make no Apologies! You read at your own risk!

Today I had the most glorious revelation! I was chillin’ at work (it was kind of a drab day). I decided to go take a lunch break, and I was introduced to the most glorious eating place ever! I should probably preface this with the fact that I get unnaturally excited about things and make up my mind to love them instantly. One of the biggest joys of my work life, is being able to actually get out and enjoy the city of San Francisco. There’s this little park that is right in the middle of the little business zone near my job. It’s so quaint, I love sitting in the sunshine, watching people enjoy their food and each other’s company. Now then.

Today I was introduced to a magical place within my office building. I’ve been working at this place for almost 5 months, and I had no idea that it even exists. My company basically has offices on both the 3rd and 7th floor in this building. I usually just use the elevator between those 2 floors (not often going up to the 7th floor). So I’m notified of this magical terrace that is located right outside the 5th floor. It is AMAZING! I went out there and ate lunch today, and watched my co-workers hula hoop and just enjoy themselves. I love watching moments where people just kinda melt away from their stiff, corporate selves and show who they really are. Throwing caution to the wind and just doin’ the things that make us most happy (ugh. i’m so jealous of the many <2 year olds that I know in this neighborhood). AHHH! I love my life right now, feeling so blessed!

I'm going to go write now. TAKE THAT!

Here is another picture of the view from my new favorite place in san francisco!

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