Tag Archives: rambles

| Don’t worry, you know that I’ve got me |

I may have mentioned this once or twice, but I have trust issues.

I started seeing a therapist a few months ago, because I recognized that I have developed a pattern of extending myself to others, then flipping the switch and isolating myself from people. There isn’t a regular time frame to this cycle. I know what it looks like, however.

I am currently in the throws of one such cycle. I am observing the choices that are presented to me and I see myself making the choices that alienate me. My therapist asked me to identify what it is that I get from being alone, that I can’t get from being around other people. Why would I choose to be alone. My answer came quickly…

SAFETY

I will never hurt myself. I know my triggers, I know the solutions. Unless you have ever seen me react to a musical. Then it would obvious that you know those things can soothe me like none other ūüėČ. I can (and will) care for myself better than anyone else. A big reason for this is because I just won’t let anyone else. To be more accurate, I hadn’t until the last year.

If you know me, you’ve unfortunately been exposed to this cycle (I apologize). I’ll be around and active and all about spending time with you, then I’ll just drop off the face of the earth. Sooner or later, I’ll emerge as suddenly as I disappeared, almost as if I’d never been gone.

If we are friends, I apologize to you. I’m ashamed to admit that in most cases, I keep things superficial. I’ll let you share with me when you’re hurting or upset. I’ll give you advice (whether or not you want it, oops). I’ll encourage you if you need a little push. However, I will not let you do that for me.

I’m sorry that I haven’t trusted you enough to let you be an ally. I didn’t think highly enough of you that I could trust you to keep a secret for me. I didn’t believe you when you thought that something I said was interesting or entertaining. I sold you short and thought that the strength of our friendship was directly correlated to how much I could do for you, in hopes that you wouldn’t notice me keeping you at arm’s length.

When I ask myself what I’m looking for, I realize that I’m looking for someone (or some people) that will have my back. I’m looking for a ride or die, a group of friends that feel like family, a steady roster of folk that I can enlist for my audacious adventures whenever the mood strikes. People that won’t pass out when I wax poetic about the genius of Timbaland or geek out over Pokemon Go (Yes, I’m one of those people).

However, this does not happen by magic. I can’t expect to find depth of relationship if I don’t dig a little deeper myself. So, after my apologizing, I would like to ask for some help.

Don’t be afraid to ask me the hard questions. Ask me how I’m really doing, ask me about how I’m moving forward in life, how I’m challenging myself. Ask me what I want to accomplish within the next year. Don’t take my wishy-washy non-committal answers. Invite me to get vulnerable.

I need all the practice that I can get.

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| random poetry posting |

Misunderstanding leading to broken trust
colorless forms come together and form something marvelous
don’t focus on the sounds
circle in on the feel
ones outside can’t ever reveal
a broken soul, and unrhythmic flow
the 1’s and 2’s work together to harmonize
the visions of the mind’s eye
transcend popular conceptions of being
for once try being
real…
real with yourself, who you are
realize your value, you’re never subpar
a subconscious iceland freezes free thought
thaw it to express feelings for which ancestors fought
be true
to you
to who
you are
can’t become what someone wants you to be
the shape of your life isn’t just a pattern you see
technically, your specialty is specifically you
others may do it better
but what can you do?
the jagged cuts of doubt give rise to barriers
separation between love
and those who are hate carriers
be true to who you were created to be
don’t dance to the rhythm
created to move my feet

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| Happy Days |

I’m a simple type guy. (sometimes this means that people think I’m just simple…. haters)

Sometimes the smallest things can make me so happy. Something like just being able to hum a nice melody (while crying myself to sleep.)

I am ridiculously happy these days. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve began to worry some people. I’ve been literally asked if I was ok. I’ve been doing things that I don’t normally do. I’ve started smiling at work, skipping while walking, Singing to myself for no reason (let’s not lie, I’ve always done that last one.)

Musicals, poetry, and people. All that suff has started to come back to me. I’m finally beginning to go out and explore my neighborhood. In all actuality, this hermit stuff has really been doing nothing for my complexion. All this has began to make me feel like the old me is back! I’m blogging (which may or may not be a bad thing for people who are reading this.) I make no Apologies! You read at your own risk!

Today I had the most glorious revelation! I was chillin’ at work (it was kind of a drab day). I decided to go take a lunch break, and I was introduced to the most glorious eating place ever! I should probably preface this with the fact that I get unnaturally excited about things and make up my mind to love them instantly. One of the biggest joys of my work life, is being able to actually get out and enjoy the city of San Francisco. There’s this little park that is right in the middle of the little business zone near my job. It’s so quaint, I love sitting in the sunshine, watching people enjoy their food and each other’s company. Now then.

Today I was introduced to a magical place within my office building. I’ve been working at this place for almost 5 months, and I had no idea that it even exists. My company basically has offices on both the 3rd and 7th floor in this building. I usually just use the elevator between those 2 floors (not often going up to the 7th floor). So I’m notified of this magical terrace that is located right outside the 5th floor. It is AMAZING! I went out there and ate lunch today, and watched my co-workers hula hoop and just enjoy themselves. I love watching moments where people just kinda melt away from their stiff, corporate selves and show who they really are. Throwing caution to the wind and just doin’ the things that make us most happy (ugh. i’m so jealous of the many <2 year olds that I know in this neighborhood). AHHH! I love my life right now, feeling so blessed!

I'm going to go write now. TAKE THAT!

Here is another picture of the view from my new favorite place in san francisco!

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| whoimis |

I am notorious for being a people watcher. (No, not a stalker, there is a fine line. I watch a variety of people as they go by. I don’t like to stay focused only on one person and EVERYTHING that they do.)

*ahem*

I like to watch people. I make up all these little scenarios in my head. I like to fill in their conversations and match their facial expressions with possible outcomes of situations (yes. I need to do something else with my english major mentality of needing the world to entertain me.)

I am a man of extremes. In my own head, I feel like I can go through days and days at a time, where no one at all is watching me. This sometimes affords me luxury of not having to deal with really awkward situations (no, mister gas station man, I don’t want to talk to you. I do have a single friend named Alicia who likes gas station boys though…)

*I’m in trouble for that one*

anyways. I know that’s not a good place to be in. A lot of times, I just look like I’m quite stand offish. The truth is that I’m quite the social person. I know that I hide it very well, by spending lots of time by myself. The dressing in black and wearing make-up, talking with a “woe-is-me” accent doesn’t do much to let people know that I’m not actually goth. (so goth, I was born black!)

I know that I’ve recently been very aware that I’ve tried to make myself into someone that some people would think is cool.

I used to be really cool on my own actually. I remember those days. I had so much fun.

Then I got involved with the wrong person. That was no good all around.

I’m declaring that i’m going to try to make a move back to being the person that I used to be (don’t worry, my blog entries will be just as ridiculous as ever. who knew people actually read these things…)

2 years later. it’s time to move on.

I’m out…

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| islighted… |

Yeah… We all know this logo. This company is taking over the world. It hits especially close to home because I have now joined the bandwagon.

My dad pulled the ultimate Christmas miracle and had one of these delivered to my house. Christmas day was simultaneously one of the most awesome and one of the most¬†embarrassing that I’ve experienced. I don’t think that it’s ok for a grown man to be jumping up and down in his house and screaming like a¬†prepubescent girl. My voice rose high, like praises lifting up to heaven. As lovely as that image is (my pitch was nowhere near as pleasing. Someone might’ve thought that someone was getting attacked, actually.) I told him that it was something that I wanted to save up for, he decided that perhaps I should be saving my money for rainy days, or one of many of the infinitely shiny distractions that catch my eyes.

As I thought about my recent gift, I realized that a little part of me was sad. (yes, even though I had an awesome laptop in front of me, I was a little bit sad.)  The reason that I was a little sad was that I recognized that I would not be able  to go and purchase one of these magnificent laptops. If you have never been into an apple store to make a purchase, I must say
you are missing out just a bit. I cannot say that I can think of something more satisfying to my extra-consumeristic American lifestyle than making a purchase at an Apple store. It IS an experience. There is nothing like being in that place with all of the crazy Apple fan-people and the Mac Geniuses. The layout of these places are all different, the display of the products invites you to touch, and buy. The way that the computers are laid out next to the iphones and ipods all nilly willy are enough to give any window shopper aspirations to get that raise for the next year (that’d be the only way to really even afford any of these marvelous cupertino computers.)

I shuddered at the thought that once again, the internet had taken me away from an experience. There are so many things that are just much more easily done over the internet. I live in the bay area, my father lives in southern california. It really makes sense that he’d be able to just jump on the internet and procure a Christmas gift for his only son. I wouldn’t expect him to walk into the apple store himself and hand-pick a computer. Shopping at a mall has now become something that I dread. Why? There are too many people, the crowds can get unruly. I feel disappointment in the assortment that is provided for me (especially in shoes. I hate asking if someone has this in a size 13. THEY NEVER DO!). The interned has sucked me in with its infinite possibilities and bottomless storehouses of stuff. Why go to Macy’s when I can just take my own measurements and spend a mere fraction of the time purchasing my wares on the internet?

The internet changes the way that people interact. People are much less prone to call each other. We’re so used to being in front of a screen (of various sizes and devices) that we’d be just as apt to text each other. Normal conversations have been replaced by horribly misspelled facsimiles of words typed and abbreviated so that we can really show off how we don’t have to spell things correctly to get our points across. How awesome, I’m so free that I’m able to express myself in whatever way I want, and if you don’t understand it, you’re not cool. I’m so guilty of being one of those people who’d rather chat with you over Adium instead of going to a nice cafe and cultivating conversation.

The thing that blew my mind the most was this delightful video game…

Even though I love this game, I shudder to think about how much better I might be at playing the bass if I was willing to go pick up the actual instrument (that has now set up residence in my closet) over picking up it’s fake plastic cousin. I spend so much time trying to be good in Rock Band, that I just neglect the fact that i’m not really playing any music at all am I? All I know is that “music” comes out from my mashing of little plastic buttons. I say the internet, but it’s really just electronic devices, that have changed the way that reality comes across.

It’s sad when I think about how much I’ve been pulling an avatar… You aren’t seeing or dealing with me, you’re dealing with the digital representation of me all over the place. SLIGHTED I say! This is a tragedy. I must make a resolution to step from behind my many screens and reinsert myself into society.

Just gotta get from behind this screen… This beautiful glossy screen. It pops so much more than nature…

Oh! Dammit!

Think about that!

I’m out…

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| who do you think you are? |

We all have such grand ideas of ourselves. I don’t know how I appear to you (don’t know if I can say that I care particularly, either). I imagine myself as an adventuring stud! Handsome, generous, not afraid of anything. Able to woo any woman at my leisure with my quick wit and my sharp intellect. People love me and love to be in my presence, cause I’m a force to be reckoned with! Yeah… that’s it.

Of course, it’s awesome how someone (who I swear, just caught me on a bad day) can see me as the biggest jerk to walk the earth. They can mistake my gentle demeanor as being stand-offish. My clever quips as being sharp jabs at peoples conditions. My sweet naive nature as being too dumb for my own good. (this is just not a good meeting/impression. I’m going to have to suggest a meet-over.)

It’s kinda funny how our memories are skewed either to show us as the extreme victim, or we are the extreme protagonist. I’m reminded of one of my favorite television episodes… I’m thinking of an episode of 30 rock, in which Liz Lemon goes to her high school reunion. Liz Lemon, the darling of 30 Rock, gets an invitation to her high school reunion. She tells Jack, that she doesn’t want to go because she was such a loser back then. She recounts a story of her younger self, being tormented at school one day, with everyone laughing at her. She was defenseless and just mumbled under her breath when she hears laughter. She gets talked into going, and once she goes, we see her meet one of her antagonizers. Once we meet this woman, we can see that she has an aversion to Liz. This is when we get to see the real actions that happened at school. Liz was apparently verbally abusive to people. That is why she didn’t have any friends (not because she was a loser or anything.) It’s hilariously comical, but slightly true. ¬†It’s really easy to think that we’re making one kind of impression, when we’re doing something completely different.

When I was in school, I had a definite split personality. Lots of people saw me as just a regular cool type guy. I was even tempered and laid back. Some people saw me as the angry Justin. They only saw me at my most annoyed, or when I was at my last straw (I often was at my last straw with people when I was younger). There was a defense mechanism that I used (not too unlike Liz Lemon) where I would try to verbally disarm people who would be seen as antagonizers. Those people probably just thought that I was a smart mouthed jerk.

Even though I’m not the most concerned about what I look like to other people (surprisingly, I can have no shame…) I do think it’s important to market yourself well. You want to make sure that you’re doing things in the right way, so that people don’t find any blame in you. I am a big fan of people trusting me, so I don’t want to be out and about acting stupid and jerky. It’s something to be aware of. ¬†Self aware of the way that you are coming across to other people. Because even though you think you’re being awesome or even nice, someone else might think that you’re being short or condescending.

I get examples of this at my job. Being someone who works in customer service, I constantly get the lesson of appearances. I was chatting with one customer about a month back, when I thought that I was simply answering a question that he had. I didn’t really make any small talk, I just got straight to the answer of his question. He for some reason thought that I had horrible customer service, and decided to go on a rant. Amongst other things, he told me that I should look for a job where I would do something that I was more suited for, which in his opinion was shelving items in a store. It was beyond me why the guy was so angry, and it seemed to just grow even as I was apologizing for anything that I might have done.

We want to make sure that we’re marketing ourselves the best we can (and not in that fake: check-me-out-cause-I’m-so-awesome-you-can’t-handle-it type ways). There’s nothing wrong with being straightforward and showing people who we really are. Most people will be able to handle it. ūüėČ

get out there and represent yourself as best you can!

I’ll be trying…

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| the impossible happens… |

BREAKING NEWS!

We interrupt your normal blog reading with the following news that is just breaking: Justin is now an adult!!! Repeat: Justin is now an adult! Fear and terror are ¬†springing up all around him. Upon realizing this, he has reverted to a childlike mentality, and has locked himself in his room; listening to many songs from the 80’s.

Back to your regular reading…

When the hell did this happen?! Was the sandman secretly stealing years from me as I lay defenseless before his power? (how dare you sandman! I shake my fist at you!) I thought my Peter Pan syndrome would keep me young forever. Thanks for a head full of lies and broken dreams Disney. I’m not a fan of having to do things like a real life grown person.
When did I sign up for this? Responsibility and I have some work to do on our newly minted relationship.
So vivid are the memories of my first school dance, my first phone call to a girl, and the subsequent feeling of the awkwardness of that particular conversation. The small dramas of my youth come back to me with the fondness of a nostalgic haze. Everything was so much simpler then, so much more beautiful.

I feel like I started college yesterday. I met melody yesterday! Yesterday, literally, I realized that my best friend had gained that position over 8 years ago! Not only have I a horrible sense of time, but I’m OLD!

This past weekend, I turned 27. This is still young to many people, as 30 is the new 20. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’m spinning further and further out of control in a spiral of maturity and life altering decisions. Some of the questions of my youth (post-college) are starting to materialize. I have a nice job that I don’t hate. I am living in a place that I love (Oakland), I’m close to a large city that I’ve always wanted to be near to (San Francisco). I’m finally at a place where I’m setting myself up for the rest of my life. This life which is coming at me way too fast for my liking, but that I shall dominate like I do with everything else I come across…

I recently engaged in conversation with my friend Tara, and heard her talk about how she trudged through the last year (kickin’ and screamin’) to come to the realization that it was all necessary to set up this year and where she was going now. She has a great job, and is set to start being self sufficient. My parents disowned me financially when I was 19. I did realize that I was stuck at my college job for a while. Tara helped me to se that I was stuck in my development time… I made some moves and now I’m positioning myself in a place where I can truly network and learn some things that will help me take my life to the next level.

I have a head full of different kinds of dreams now. I’m looking to establish myself as a hard worker, someone who will be an asset to any company that will give me the time of day. I’m also looking to make sure that I don’t lose my youthful exuberance in the face of growing older and learning why the older people that I knew were always just a little bit jaded.

I’ve begun to grow up, but I don’t remember giving myself permission to start this journey. Sometimes I guess these things just happen. There’s no way that I can stop natural progression, but because I’m a rebel, I have to do my best to slow things down a bit…

I’m out…

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| romantic assassination! |

Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly genial, I’ll have a conversation or two. Now, you might be asking yourself: “Why is having a conversation big news?”. You, my friend, need to have your thought pattern looked at. What you should be thinking is: “Why did I not engage in conversation with him!?” Cause I got glorious conversational skills. Been workin’ on them since I was 8, yo! It’s been a constant battle for me. I was always the shyest kid in the class. This crippling shyness follows me around to this day, however I’ve been trained by the best! I can now hide my shyness better than that dieter that you know, hides their candy stash (shame on you, you cheater… yes I know about you and that stash.)

Sorry, I get easily sidetracked. Tangents, to me, are like great shiny things. I can’t help but drop everything that I was doing previously, to investigate… (most likely another reason that conversations for me, are few and far between for me)

The point of this was that I have interesting conversations sometimes. I have noticed an interesting trend. For some unknown reason, there is much lamenting from members of both sexes, over their friendship selection. I hear lots of my female friends & acquaintances talk about how much they dislike other females. There is always some level of drama going down, and the reason for this is two females, butting heads. I hear about how it’s so hard for a girl to get along with other girls, because girls get all catty. When I ask who they befriend, the answer is… GUYS! It’s so much easier, they say. Guys produce ¬ľ the drama that girls do. Guys won’t worry about reading too deeply into things. Guys don’t care if you don’t always call. Then, I talk to the men folk ¬†and hear the same thing. It’s too awkward to talk to other men. . “I (as a strapping, young, heterosexual male) have nothing in common with them (other strapping, young, heterosexual men).”¬†It’s much easier to deal with girls. Girls are actually able to talk about their feelings. Apparently, it makes men feel validated when a girl wants to listen to their whining.

The flip side of those conversations is, of course: “I can’t find a <insert member of the opposite sex, appropriate to your gender> to date! Where are all the good boys/girls?

Could it possibly be that we are not finding potential significant others, because we are too busy collecting members of the opposite sex as friends? ¬†I might suggest that we’re getting to know people really well, but dismissing some possibility of romantic style interaction. It would even seem that people are using these friends of the opposite sex as a replacement for relationships. I mean think about it. If you were able to get all the things that you could get from a boyfriend/girlfriend without the commitment and responsibility of a relationship, wouldn’t you jump at it? It’s much less risky to open yourself to someone when you feel safe, with no real chance of being hurt. It’s similar to being friends with benefits. The only (obvious) difference, is that the benefits in this case aren’t sexual in nature. There are issues of false intimacy and unhealthy closeness that can come up though.

I am guilty of being of the mindset that had me seeking out companionship from women. I thought that it was just because I was constantly around my mother and sister while I was growing up. Since I was surrounded with the ladies, I was just more comfortable with them. I never thought of the consequences that would’ve come from me pursuing friendships with girls unhealthily. I’m not saying that men and women can’t be friends in a healthy way, I’m just suggesting that perhaps there are ways that people go about it, which are not quite healthy.

After you’ve reached a certain age, you’re looking for some full level companionship. Getting settled down and married become a bigger priority later on in life (post-college style). Falling for the idea that you can just have close friendships with members of the opposite sex, might blind you to the importance of participating in a healthy romantic relationships. There are always dangers in taking shortcuts in life. Substitutions almost always lead to someone having hurt feelings/making excuses about things. In the long run, it would also seem that the more friendly people get with each other, the less likely they are able to date.

I’ll take my fellowship for example. At the UC Davis chapter of Intervarsity, we were great at having boy/girl friends. This fact overshadowed the fact that no one was dating each other. There were less than 3 couples that were produced through the fellowship. I would surmise, it was because once you’ve established a friendship dynamic, it’s hard to see people past that capacity. There are frequently cases where best friends become daters, but it didn’t seem to take hold in the city of Davis.

It would seem that just like any other relationship, we are in definite need of evaluating our desires/needs and making sure that we’re not overcompensating for anything. Perhaps a good idea is making intentional friendships. Making a friendship with someone, knowing that you might want to date them.

Having too many friends of the opposite sex can be potentially deadly… To your romantic endeavors. I’m just sayin…

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| taking the scenic route, thanks… |

This is a public service announcement…. brought to you by Vernacular Dysfunction.

Friends, our world is in trouble. There are many signs of the rise of crazy showing all around us. Gas is expensive as all hell, the UC system is borrowing money to lend it out, Lady Gaga is dripping “blood” while hanging on cable tv. What is this world coming to!? I would like to bring your attention to something that is slowly and quietly pushing its way into our lives and looks to exert more and more control over us everyday. It is something that seems unassuming/mediocre, but extends its agenda onto people without them ever even noticing it. This menace might not even seem like much of a threat to you, but it’s keeping people controlled every day!

what am I speaking of you ask? What kind of diabolical underground evil would dare invade our very busy, satisfying, and never boring lives?!

I am speaking of lines!

No, I have not been doing lines of anything. (Although, I am grateful for the “concern”)

Lines! Everywhere I go, I’m seeing lines. I have to deal with them all the time. Has our desire for order reduced us to people who just go through life following the lines?! Trying to retrieve food at my local grocer becomes a showdown with the infamous line. Seriously, I just want to have an encounter with this chicken pot pie, I can’t do that as soon as I’d like because I’m fighting off a serious line to pay for my delicious goods. By the time I’m done in most stores, I’m not even willing to wait for my dinner to cook. I have to gear up to battle during my travel endeavors! Traffic is just a bunch of long lines. Everyday I am forced to weave my way through them, fighting others for a chance to arrive at my workplace on time and earn my money. I won’t even mention the idea of the DMV. Waiting in the lines at that place is simply a torture that should not be reserved for anyone. Lines even invade my quest for personal entertainment and enjoyment. I have made many trips to Magic Mountain. Every time you go to an amusement park of any kind, you are going with the intention of having fun and getting on some rides. What you end up with however, is a trip that is 75% line surfing, 10% enjoying the actual ride, and 15% walking between actual line destinations! It would seem to me that I’m paying good money for a day to be waiting in lines. I could really do that anywhere.

What about order? What about the structure and organization these lines bring to our everyday lives?

I say that is a lie! It’s a well constructed cover-up, established to make us think that lines are completely necessary. I have a hard time believing that pandemonium is being held back by the simple use of lines. America is all about freedom right? I live in a time and day where you are applauded for being able to think and act outside of the box (yes, I just got all clich√© with it). How can I possibly express myself freely and immediately, when I’m in a line? You know how you always see disgruntled adults? You don’t usually see disgruntled kids do you? Why is that? That’s because kids don’t waste their time in lines, they go where they want, how they want. They aren’t waiting around to live life.

Lines are just a construction of forced control! I might be the only one who sees things this way, but it’s an important idea to grasp. I will lead the resistance against these lines, because I feel it is necessary to take back some control in my life. If I don’t fight for it, who will?! There are so many innocent victims of this oppression, who are blind to the danger that they really face due to these lines.

I shall push against them. I will speak out, to promote the knowledge that life doesn’t have to be contained and lived between the lines. It shall be my pleasure to forge a path for myself that is as crooked as the smile that will perch upon my lips, as I propel myself through a life uninhibited by such useless boundaries.

Damn you lines! I shall no longer allow myself to be subjugated to your rule of terror. I have to believe that there is something better out there for me, something beautiful and chaotic.

I am off to find the road less traveled… Mostly because there’s little to no people on that particular stretch. I need a lot of room to follow my ambition, and other people will just get in my way!

To my destiny! To a life uninhibited by lines… Even if it takes a while.

Freedom, baby! Pure freedom.

ūüėČ

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| lackin’ some flavor |

Today is the first day of School at Serra. ¬†Justin is excited to enter his first year of high school and has been preparing for this day for the past two weeks. He has been going over the list of books that he’ll need for the year, he’s gone shopping for supplies with his mom, and he’s been working towards making his uniform (yay for catholic high school) an extension of his expression. The general uniform consisted of a white polo shirt, and for the young men; there is an option to wear navy blue pants or shorts. Since school begins in the middle of August, it seems that shorts would be the best idea.

Yes, I intro’d an entry with my own first day of high school story.

I got to the campus of my new school, and it was interesting. Even though it was about 90 degrees outside, everyone was wearing pants! All I could think about was how different I looked. Back in high school, the last thing that anyone wanted to do was be different in any way during the first few hours of your initial impression making. The safest choice in said situation would be to just blend in as much as you can. There will be 4 years full of time to make a name for yourself. GOSH! just stick to the script and don’t bring extra attention to yourself. Needless to say, I was quite different, and I garnered a reputation for leaning towards being gay. I was quite taken back by such a ridiculous association. What was done was done, however. After 3 hours, I don’t know if there was anything that I desired more than leaving school and changing into the pants and resuming with a semi-fresh slate.

Needless to say, that was the first and last time I wore those shorts to attend a day of classes for the rest of the time that I was in high school.

It’s really funny that nowadays (did I really just use that word?… when did I turn 80?) being different is so celebrated. There’s nothing better than being able to say that you aren’t fitting the status quo of society. Thinking outside of the box has become a mere clich√© now. If you’re doing anything similarly to anyone else, the value of such things is so greatly reduced. Before I was told that I should strive to be good at what it was that I did, or tried. Now I’m told that you have to be completely innovative at whatever it is that I’m doing. Who’s going to be better than you at something you’ve carved the niche for yourself?

Where does this leave the general all around person?

A friend of mine asked us if we would rather be a jack of all trades, or a specialist at one thing.

my answer, unfortunately, was to be a jack of all trades.

This answer was not formulated because I’m afraid of being different. It’s not that I lack the fortitude to forge ahead under the volition of my own ambitious desires. In my eyes, being a jack of all trades opens up your world to the possibilities of many collaborations.

When I don’t know something about a particular subject matter, I just kinda blank out if I need to troubleshoot. The problem for me is, when I don’t have any knowledge I separate myself. There is no ownership on my part, and I just want to have someone come and help me out with my problem immediately! Once that particular problem is finished, I’m good to go. Nice to meet you, thank you for your help, GOODBYE.

The flipped side of that is having a small knowledge of something that I’m having a problem with, encourages me to interact with others. I love opportunities to converse with others regarding new ideas about a common interest. Bouncing back different scenarios and ways of carrying them out really energizes me and pushes me to create. In this case, I think I come with better productions when I have some sort of inspired interaction with a wide number of people who are also passionate about something.

guess that makes me a boring guy eh? One day I’ll breakthrough with something groundbreaking and spectacular, but I’m ok with going along and blending in for the time being. I’ll gather all the info I need from all the people who are just like me, and then I’ll blow your minds!

(or make you stomach my crazy streams of consciousness)

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