Tag Archives: random thoughts


Never thought that we would ever be more than friends, now I’m all confused, cause for you, I have deeper feelings…

This is where it starts.

One morning you wake up and everything seems to be completely normal. Sun’s out shining, the birds are chirping, but you’re completely bored. Don’t mistake it, there are SO many things that you could be doing. The adult life presents nothing less than 1 billion choices and responsibilities (nap time, am I right?).

You spend time with people innocuously, you share a little bit of yourself and get to know someone. You enjoy spending time with them and doing mundane things together and somewhere the creep sets in. Initially, (if you’re me), you fight it. Technically, I’m not interested in girls anymore. I’m all about that single life! No more thinking about any of that stuff. It’s been a good run so far, but I’m only like 8 months into the mission. I’m seriously shortchanging the rest of my life, guys. Something is wrong with my math, or my head (either is a viable choice, actually). You convince yourself that there is no reason to be concerned, you’re steady in your choices and that’s simply going to be that!

For a little while, you’re actually ok like this. You get about a month or so under your belt and you don’t have any outbursts or any feelings or anything. Maybe you’ve beaten this thing! You, have figured out a way to keep yourself on the outside of things and you’re flying high. You’re also quite ridiculous and running on the fumes of pride, you silly, silly fool. So unassuming. So recklessly hopeful. hehe.

One day, you reach that tipping point… One hangout too many. One interaction that throws everything off. Some interesting insight, some drawn out conversation. Something pushes you back over the edge and makes you sit up and take renewed notice. Next thing you know, you’re chillin’ on a Saturday, wishing that you were in this person’s company and holding off from any extraneous communication, for sanity’s sake. Even better yet, you want to hang out with them during the week, or whenever you’re not in the middle of a meeting or gathering of any sort. Interesting, no?

In the back of your head, however, there is something exciting about the idea of being excited about someone. It’s been a minute since that was a thing for you and finally, it’s just more of a happy situation than anything else. It’s like a breath of fresh air and honestly, it gives you the desire to be open and let something happen, which was completely off the table after the last year that you had. So, what happens? Do you play it cool and let something happen, do you make a move and push forward, or do you just keep that little joy to yourself, in hopes that when another situation presents itself, you’re fully ready to go all the way in on it?

Like our friend Usher Raymond said: “Situations… Will arise. In our lives, but you gotta be smart about it”.
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| love = marriage? |

wedding rings

I always thought that marriage was this crazy wonderful time in life that would change your heart forever…The idea of wedding rings always symbolized an undying love and a union that will last forever, no matter what came up. I always thought that the devotion of two people could inspire others who witnessed. There is something special about being able to say that you have found that someone who makes you think that life is worth living. Hearing stories of such love always made me want to try it someday.

A lot of people get married with selfish intentions. The idea is:  “now I’ll have that special someone who will love me  no matter what. I’ll be able to get away with things that I have never been able to get away with, because this person loves me.” Some of the saddest stuff is the mentality that marriage will be a vehicle for change. There are some many people who look at marriage like it’s this great threshold, through which all annoying tendencies and immature ideas/thoughts will be whisked away (like Dorothy after clicking her heels together). That’s the most disappointing thing that I notice in people. Marriage will do nothing to eliminate things that you didn’t like before it occurs. People might not expect their partner to change, perhaps there’s something that they think will change about themselves.  Something about that just screams ridiculous to me, but what do I know about being married right? Technically, I can’t even get a date… (ooh, burn.. blah, blah)

loveI know that “love” is just not enough to make a marriage survive. There’s a delightful verse in the Bible that lists what love is and what love isn’t. 1st corinthians 13:4-8 talks about the things that love is, and what love isn’t. Love isn’t defined through a bunch of foofy feelings only! The feelings can be valid. What is at the core of the verse though, is that love requires work! Two lazy people in a relationship are bound to have a marriage with holes in it. It just lends itself to problems. “Love” isn’t what’s going to get you through those rough patches. It is usually during those times that most people wonder what they saw in their significant other in the first place.  I’m pretty sure that lots of divorces occur in this country because someone has felt that they were so neglected that they couldn’t bear to go on the way they were living. Something wasn’t working for them anymore. I’m not saying that there are  no good reasons for getting divorced, I’m just saying that a lot of the time, it appears that the problems people have when married were there before they got married. The couple in question, just usually has some kind of  “love” blinders on before they get married. They don’t see the possibility of disaster, it’s all about the fact that they’ve found someone that they are so in “love” with, that they can’t bear to be without them.

Marriage is comprised of copious amounts of the same thing all other relationships are comprised of…. WORK. Yup. work. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It’s not something that you should go into treading lightly. Love is what can make that work feel less like work. Love is like the chaser that you down after you have a tequila shot. You like the tequila, but it just goes down really harsh without that chaser. The idea is that you sacrifice for the person that you love. Sacrifice usually requires you stepping outside of yourself and making strides for another person. It is hard for me to hear about you loving someone, when you are only looking for how that person makes you feel, or focused on what that person does/doesn’t do for you. That’s almost like asking for a big cup of fail to be poured for you and placed in front of you at your dinner table.

People supposedly fall out of love all the time. I don’t know if I can believe that. This quote straight from the Bible… “Love never Fails”. Which would mean to me, that this “love” that I hear about when people are fighting/teetering on the brink of relationship destruction, isn’t really love at all. It’s just a very strong feeling towards someone. Definitely not enough to make a relationship on, and (as is usually proven) not nearly enough at all to base a marriage on.

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| I’m so old school… |

Blindly, I stumbled into a conversation with a couple of friends last week. we got onto the topic of dating. (I know, I know. You don’t want to read another blog entry about dating, you’ve already read all that you could read about dating… to that I say, shut your pie hole and hear me out dammit!)

There is an old adage about how a woman deserves to be treated like a queen. I’m pretty sure that this idea was put out there with the greatest of intentions. I think over the years, some things have been distorted/perverted. There has been a public infection amongst the men of the world. This infection is called selfishness. We are quite concerned about what’s in something for us. We are afraid of doing something because of what it could mean. As my favorite radio personality, Dr. Laura would say: we want the goods, but don’t want the commitment. Back in the day, a man was willing to wait and was expected to make some sacrifice to show himself worthy of a woman’s time. These days, the men folk are seemingly expecting it to be so easy to win over a woman, they barely even try anymore. If I hear one more guy yelling out: “hey shawty!” or whistling at some girl to get their attention, I might just end it all right there on the spot.

What ever happened to the days where a guy would actually woo a young lady? Is it so wrong to make a woman feel so special that she cherishes the time that you spend with her? Is there something wrong with treating a young woman the way that someone special to us would want to be treated? It isn’t a crime to give a woman the idea that you are willing to work for her company. Being desired is something that makes people feel good. I would agree that there is a distinct line between showing that there is interest and being a creep. Lately, I’m just seeing jerks running around trying to “get it in” instead of really valuing the time and opinion of a woman. This would include asking a woman out on a date, instead of waiting for her to make the first move. I know that it might seem nice to have that happen, but it really just makes her the aggressor, which isn’t always a great thing. Men, we’re supposed to do the wooing… daters

On the flip side of that, I can see that many guys have the pain of big rejection stamped across their foreheads. It’s not an easy thing to continue to walk into the storm, looking for something and being turned away. Some people might think: “It’s only a no” but at the same time, the reason that men seem to be the ones who are supposed to put themselves out there is because most women refuse to do it. They refuse to make themselves look foolish, but they have no sympathy or feelings for men when we decide to do it and they aren’t interested. There are many better ways to deal with how to say no ladies. Have a little more feeling why don’t you? It’s not very easy to continually get up the courage and whatnot just to be bitterly rejected.

My other gripe with the lady folk. Do not just sit and expect some man to want to win you over just on the virtue that you may or may not be awesome. Yes, we know that you are attractive, but that’s not enough to carry you over the hill. You need to be willing to give a guy a reason to want to pursue you. I can’t guarantee that even the best guy will stick with it, if you aren’t displaying reasons why he should be interested. I know it’s a cliché, but beauty really is fleeting. You might be the most beautiful woman ever, but with a horrible attitude/disposition, it’s not worth dealing with. A real man should want someone that they can stand with side by side. They don’t want someone that they’re going to have to take care of. Also, be willing to reciprocate! Men aren’t the only ones who should be working to keep any passion alive in a relationship. Ladies, you should be bringing it too! Don’t rely on the man to be doing all the work. That’s how we get bored and decide that something isn’t really worth the effort anymore.

It isn’t too much to ask to be the type of person that someone else would want to date is it? I think that is the basic rule of things. Instead of wasting your time trying to pick out the different criteria from which you pick a dating partner, focus on the things that you can do to be a great contributor to a relationship. I can guarantee that making yourself into a desirable person is much easier than trying to change the people around you. That could be perfectly impossible.

Things were much better when people were actually concerned about how they presented themselves to others, instead of just being selfish.

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