Tag Archives: Rants

HalfCrazy

Never thought that we would ever be more than friends, now I’m all confused, cause for you, I have deeper feelings…

This is where it starts.

One morning you wake up and everything seems to be completely normal. Sun’s out shining, the birds are chirping, but you’re completely bored. Don’t mistake it, there are SO many things that you could be doing. The adult life presents nothing less than 1 billion choices and responsibilities (nap time, am I right?).

You spend time with people innocuously, you share a little bit of yourself and get to know someone. You enjoy spending time with them and doing mundane things together and somewhere the creep sets in. Initially, (if you’re me), you fight it. Technically, I’m not interested in girls anymore. I’m all about that single life! No more thinking about any of that stuff. It’s been a good run so far, but I’m only like 8 months into the mission. I’m seriously shortchanging the rest of my life, guys. Something is wrong with my math, or my head (either is a viable choice, actually). You convince yourself that there is no reason to be concerned, you’re steady in your choices and that’s simply going to be that!

For a little while, you’re actually ok like this. You get about a month or so under your belt and you don’t have any outbursts or any feelings or anything. Maybe you’ve beaten this thing! You, have figured out a way to keep yourself on the outside of things and you’re flying high. You’re also quite ridiculous and running on the fumes of pride, you silly, silly fool. So unassuming. So recklessly hopeful. hehe.

One day, you reach that tipping point… One hangout too many. One interaction that throws everything off. Some interesting insight, some drawn out conversation. Something pushes you back over the edge and makes you sit up and take renewed notice. Next thing you know, you’re chillin’ on a Saturday, wishing that you were in this person’s company and holding off from any extraneous communication, for sanity’s sake. Even better yet, you want to hang out with them during the week, or whenever you’re not in the middle of a meeting or gathering of any sort. Interesting, no?

In the back of your head, however, there is something exciting about the idea of being excited about someone. It’s been a minute since that was a thing for you and finally, it’s just more of a happy situation than anything else. It’s like a breath of fresh air and honestly, it gives you the desire to be open and let something happen, which was completely off the table after the last year that you had. So, what happens? Do you play it cool and let something happen, do you make a move and push forward, or do you just keep that little joy to yourself, in hopes that when another situation presents itself, you’re fully ready to go all the way in on it?

Like our friend Usher Raymond said: “Situations… Will arise. In our lives, but you gotta be smart about it”.
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| yeah… what? |

I’m a little bit confused… Perhaps someone can enlighten me a bit.

A lot of people that I know are feeling the woes of being single. Falling in love is just one of those things that people have tucked away in the back of their mind, as one of the greatest thrills in life. Actually, more realistic eyes would see it as something that a lot of people are consumed with. It’s all about trying to find that someone who you can spend the rest of your life with.

So.

As hard as it is to find someone and fall in love with them… It seems like it is way too easy for people, these days, for people to betray the happiness that they have with their significant others. I read way too much about someone who just decides to try for a little extra on the side. Someone who isn’t quite happy or feeling satisfied enough in their relationship/marriage, so they decide to get themselves a little action on the side. It’s funny how such deep feelings of attraction and love can be replaced with selfishness and disappointment.

It’s one of those things that we barely blink at. I mean, we live in America. Our country is all about self preservation and self-sufficiency. There’s the overwhelming idea that the things you should be after in life, are those that are going to best serve you. The problem with all this self awareness, self-revelation, and self-edification is that we often have to step on the toes of others to be pleased. Lately, a lot of what I have seen shows me that people are getting quite good at being alright with having to destroy some eggs to get their omelette on… It’s to the point where people just don’t even consider how their actions will affect someone else. The biggest excuse that comes across is: “I didn’t think about that.” or “I thought you would get over it, and it wouldn’t be that bad”.

For some of us, I guess, it’s really easy to just find people who are attracted to us. We let that get to us and it leads us to act in certain ways. For some of us, it’s a little harder, but we have such crazy standards that we don’t ever get quite satisfied with what it is that we have.

This whole G dep attitude that people have (Now, let’s get it!) needs to be checked and nipped in the bud. Gotta get past the idea that things are revolving around us. I know I feign being all cocky and whatnot, but the truth is, I have an idea of how to put others before myself when I think about doing things. It’s kinda like a lost art isn’t it? Caring for people genuinely, not just wondering what the relationship will mean for you, or what you can get out of things.

Then again. I’ve only had one girlfriend, and that didn’t go so well. So who am I to speak about anything…

Don’t wait till you lose it, to love it. That’s all I’m sayin.

I’m out…

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| islighted… |

Yeah… We all know this logo. This company is taking over the world. It hits especially close to home because I have now joined the bandwagon.

My dad pulled the ultimate Christmas miracle and had one of these delivered to my house. Christmas day was simultaneously one of the most awesome and one of the most embarrassing that I’ve experienced. I don’t think that it’s ok for a grown man to be jumping up and down in his house and screaming like a prepubescent girl. My voice rose high, like praises lifting up to heaven. As lovely as that image is (my pitch was nowhere near as pleasing. Someone might’ve thought that someone was getting attacked, actually.) I told him that it was something that I wanted to save up for, he decided that perhaps I should be saving my money for rainy days, or one of many of the infinitely shiny distractions that catch my eyes.

As I thought about my recent gift, I realized that a little part of me was sad. (yes, even though I had an awesome laptop in front of me, I was a little bit sad.)  The reason that I was a little sad was that I recognized that I would not be able  to go and purchase one of these magnificent laptops. If you have never been into an apple store to make a purchase, I must say
you are missing out just a bit. I cannot say that I can think of something more satisfying to my extra-consumeristic American lifestyle than making a purchase at an Apple store. It IS an experience. There is nothing like being in that place with all of the crazy Apple fan-people and the Mac Geniuses. The layout of these places are all different, the display of the products invites you to touch, and buy. The way that the computers are laid out next to the iphones and ipods all nilly willy are enough to give any window shopper aspirations to get that raise for the next year (that’d be the only way to really even afford any of these marvelous cupertino computers.)

I shuddered at the thought that once again, the internet had taken me away from an experience. There are so many things that are just much more easily done over the internet. I live in the bay area, my father lives in southern california. It really makes sense that he’d be able to just jump on the internet and procure a Christmas gift for his only son. I wouldn’t expect him to walk into the apple store himself and hand-pick a computer. Shopping at a mall has now become something that I dread. Why? There are too many people, the crowds can get unruly. I feel disappointment in the assortment that is provided for me (especially in shoes. I hate asking if someone has this in a size 13. THEY NEVER DO!). The interned has sucked me in with its infinite possibilities and bottomless storehouses of stuff. Why go to Macy’s when I can just take my own measurements and spend a mere fraction of the time purchasing my wares on the internet?

The internet changes the way that people interact. People are much less prone to call each other. We’re so used to being in front of a screen (of various sizes and devices) that we’d be just as apt to text each other. Normal conversations have been replaced by horribly misspelled facsimiles of words typed and abbreviated so that we can really show off how we don’t have to spell things correctly to get our points across. How awesome, I’m so free that I’m able to express myself in whatever way I want, and if you don’t understand it, you’re not cool. I’m so guilty of being one of those people who’d rather chat with you over Adium instead of going to a nice cafe and cultivating conversation.

The thing that blew my mind the most was this delightful video game…

Even though I love this game, I shudder to think about how much better I might be at playing the bass if I was willing to go pick up the actual instrument (that has now set up residence in my closet) over picking up it’s fake plastic cousin. I spend so much time trying to be good in Rock Band, that I just neglect the fact that i’m not really playing any music at all am I? All I know is that “music” comes out from my mashing of little plastic buttons. I say the internet, but it’s really just electronic devices, that have changed the way that reality comes across.

It’s sad when I think about how much I’ve been pulling an avatar… You aren’t seeing or dealing with me, you’re dealing with the digital representation of me all over the place. SLIGHTED I say! This is a tragedy. I must make a resolution to step from behind my many screens and reinsert myself into society.

Just gotta get from behind this screen… This beautiful glossy screen. It pops so much more than nature…

Oh! Dammit!

Think about that!

I’m out…

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