Tag Archives: work

| You should go and love yourself |

JustinBieberLoveYourself

I’ve only heard this song twice (listening to it as I write this). I can never say that I’m promoting the Biebs (even though we share the same name, I can’t completely hate on a Justin…), however, this Lil’ ditty made me think of some things.

Personally, I am learning every day how much I am hampered by the societal ideology of men being strong and unemotional. There are so many times where I feel like I have to react to things stoically or more accurately, suck things up. No one wants to hear a man bitching about how he’s currently feeling (ironically, people don’t seem to want to hear a woman do the same thing, go figure). It’s not in vogue to give in to such feelings either. Men are supposed to process things immediately and correctly. If you do anything less than that, you are incapable or you have been maladjusted.

This mentality, in addition to being the eldest child, has given me the special ability to laser focus on myself with such a sharp edge. Behavior had to be exemplary because I had a younger sibling or well contained so that I was not disrupting things. All this produces,  is a cyclical tendency to stuff things down until they cannot be contained, followed by an explosion of emotion. Usually, I was able to hold on to these emotions until I was behind closed doors or until everyone else had gone to bed and I was free to feel the feels and process them.

My default behavior, when not feeling particularly ecstatic about things, is to jump into seclusion and lick my wounds until I feel as if I am ready to get back into the swing of things.

As of November, I have lost my car. As of January, I have lost my job. What does this mean constructively? This means that I spend a lot of my time these days, sitting in my room. I am less than optionally active and more than optionally secluded while the rest of the world does their thing. Now, thankfully, I have had the foresight to start a certification program through City College of San Francisco. Thanks to this, my days are not completely empty, but even studying and doing homework gets sad after a little while. Additionally, I am in a long distance relationship. Along with that comes all the normal concerns and issues that one might expect when a significant other is not in the picture traditionally.

What does one do about this? How is self-love accomplished? Well, the first thing is actually talking about my issues. Which is super difficult for me, because I am still hard wired to believe that people work out their own issues. While some of my friends can attest to my bitching, it’s not as bad as it really could be because I don’t want to burden people with a bunch of noise. Everyone has problems, who cares? The truth that I have to remember is that everyone has a need to be heard. I love helping people so much, but it’s so hard to give myself the grace to let people help me. It’s so difficult for me to believe that there are viable options for me to open up to and get my thoughts out. One way is this blog! A lot of people wonder why I can write some of the stuff I write here. It’s largely because I need some way to process and this is a judge free (to my face) way to get that done.

So. How can I love myself and get out of this funk that I’m in? I’m going to start by realizing that I’m not a robot. I have feelings, I need to express and explore those feelings. I have the right to do both of those things and pursue happiness. I also have friends. Friends are not mythical beings that I can swoop in and be there for, at any time, they are real people. They are real options for me to spend time with, to speak with, and to trust with my feelings as I process them. Friends are resources for the advice that I cannot give to myself, or refuse to acknowledge for myself. I’m also checking out some therapy options. Talking to someone and building trust is a challenge that I have to accept to push myself forward.

If you are my friend and you’re reading this, encourage me to chat with you. Open yourself up for conversation. The more that I do that, the more I’ll hear things that I need to hear that are not part of the lies/silliness that my head produces (in unfortunately mass quantities). If I’m doing a bad job of reaching out (I’m admittedly horrible at this recently), holla @ your boy. I should definitely get out of the house more often.

It’s time. I should go and love myself. Thanks, Justin B. (Never imagined getting any inspiration from HIM. Perhaps I should start crying right now…)

 

 

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| A little help? |

How does one make friends at work?

Most people would naturally assume that i’m just some super genial, fantastic, awesome-type dude (I did not pay these people for this opinion. I’m surprised too!). However, this may not be the actual case. I mean, I do have my moments, but I’m not going to say that I can agree or disagree with either side. The lovers love me, and the haters gon’ hate.

In college, I guess it was a little bit more easily defined. You either spent lots of time secretly stalking someone, until you got the courage to start up a study group (oh, was that just me? Dammit, I give away way too much information in this blog.). Usually something really simple, like cracking a joke in class, or affirming someone who actually had the balls to say something funny in class. People bond over things that are snarky, like judging the person who is always volunteering their 2 cents, no matter how off base they might be. Of course, the easiest way to make friends was just to get involved in some kind of extra-curricular. The chess club is a a great place to find solid friends! Actually, now that I think about it, the easiest way to make a friend in college was this classic line: “have we met before? my name is <insert name here>, nice to meet you. This is especially useful at a place like UC Davis, where the city is tiny and the school composes like 89% of the town.

Now then, outside of school it poses a little more of a problem. I can assume that you’d most easily make friends in your most frequented spots, doing your favorite activites. Unless you’re insanely popular, this might mean your workplace. I do know a lot of people who are rather opposed to this idea. Work and fun should be left completely separate. What is a loser an introvert to do? There might be some criteria to keep in mind. It’s quite possible that you might not be able to sail through smoothly. I know, that sounded like a personal attack. No one should doubt your tenacity and the sparkling caliber of your personality (how dare I overlook that! I’ll be severely punished later). Here are a few things that I have tried in my endless pursuit of being understood accepted loved tolerated respected noticed included.

Bribery

I’m going for the dirtiest tricks first. Being kindly to people is always a nice way to develop a long lasting and meaningful friendship. This can start with bringing a co-worker a weekly beer. Everyone likes alcohol, and no one hates the hand that keeps them running on the sauce. Let’s be real, if I’m willing to trek from one side of the office to the other with frosty refreshment for you, I really can’t be all that bad now can I? NOPE. This makes you alright in most people’s books. If they don’t drink, you shouldn’t fret. There are other ways in which you can win friendship through servitude. Just yesterday, I tried to cement a friendship I had been working on for weeks, by a small purchase. She likes maple bars, but never is able to find the right one. I found her a maple bar on the way to work, and left it on her desk. EASY PEASY.

Small purchases are awesome on 2 fronts:

  1. They show that you have good intentions, and were thinking about the other person.
  2. Small purchases make you seem like less of a stalker than a random expensive gift. (What the hell made you think that she wanted a tennis bracelet or a 30 dollar lunch? She barely knows you… CREEPER)

Random Outings

Another good way to make friends with folk is through random interactions. There is always something. A company party, a Friday night kickback, some sporting event. If your job sponsors such fanciful post-work activities, you should be down for participating. No one gets hurt by hanging out. If you’re part of some kind of club/collective, you can make sure that you’re there for the fun times. Again, just being in a place with people will really increase your chances of talking to folk, which increases the chances that you’ll find something in common with someone. Finding something in common with people is a rock solid ice breaker! You might as well have a “Let’s Be BFF’s!” shirt on (unless you’re a heavily dedicated watcher of a polarizing show like Glee or Jersey Shore). I don’t have anything against either of these shows, just for the record. I happen to not have cable, so Jersey Shore isn’t really on my agenda.

Common interests lead to random, life giving conversations. You might be in the company kitchen, awaiting the hallowed arrival of the weekly breakfast bagels or just in line for the newest brew of your company’s delicious house coffee. These are great times to strike up conversation. Not only do you get a great chance to continue the process of waking up (that so hastily commenced with the stupid alarm clock blaring it’s praises to you) but you might be able to get a lay of the land before things start up.

Feedings

Lunch times are a great way to get to know people and establish future fun times. Everyone has to eat right? You can corner the market by inviting a co-worker to lunch! Even better, instead of just eating at your desk, you might want to go over to the communal lunch area (or local bench) and see what’s up! Who can turn down the chance to learn more about someone while eating a delicious meal (maybe like, I don’t know, a Kimchi burrito? mmmMMMM!!!!). Invite a group of people to check out a local eatery and you have a social gathering that’s on and poppin’! Food is also a great distraction for awkward moments. Eerie silence sprouting over your conversation? Wow, look, my mouth is empty and I have 8 quality bites left with my burrito!!! Instant exit plan from said awkward situation. You’re welcome, full, and totally cool.

Smiling

This is a really underrated trick. Many office workers forget to put on their smiles. I mean, they are at work (hopefully, your place of employment is a joy to be at and not the bane of your existence). Walking around and being friendly to people is a great way to suck people in disarm people’s inhibitions and fears. Oh man, there were many people who I at one time thought really wanted me dead, or just hated life, because their glares could cut through even the most happy soul and leave emo wounds all over the place! *shudder* I’m sorry that went so dark. It HAD to be discussed. Don’t be one of those people, no one likes those people, and they don’t get invited to things (I thought we spoke about this… You’re setting yourself up for failure). Yelling and cursing is not inviting and warm. GET IT TOGETHER FUCKER! STOP BITCHING OUT AND BE A DAMN NICE PERSON, SHIT!

oops. I got a little out of control there. *ahem* I’m good.

Now then, trying this tactics, you should have great success with creating friends out of co-workers.  My advice is always evolving and growing. I’m constantly trying things out and trying to win people over. 60% of the time, it works every time!

Try it… What have you got to lose? You enjoy those lonely nights in your basement with Glee? (DAMMIT, I said I wasn’t going to make this entry personal. FAIL)

Good Luck!

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| Happy Days |

I’m a simple type guy. (sometimes this means that people think I’m just simple…. haters)

Sometimes the smallest things can make me so happy. Something like just being able to hum a nice melody (while crying myself to sleep.)

I am ridiculously happy these days. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve began to worry some people. I’ve been literally asked if I was ok. I’ve been doing things that I don’t normally do. I’ve started smiling at work, skipping while walking, Singing to myself for no reason (let’s not lie, I’ve always done that last one.)

Musicals, poetry, and people. All that suff has started to come back to me. I’m finally beginning to go out and explore my neighborhood. In all actuality, this hermit stuff has really been doing nothing for my complexion. All this has began to make me feel like the old me is back! I’m blogging (which may or may not be a bad thing for people who are reading this.) I make no Apologies! You read at your own risk!

Today I had the most glorious revelation! I was chillin’ at work (it was kind of a drab day). I decided to go take a lunch break, and I was introduced to the most glorious eating place ever! I should probably preface this with the fact that I get unnaturally excited about things and make up my mind to love them instantly. One of the biggest joys of my work life, is being able to actually get out and enjoy the city of San Francisco. There’s this little park that is right in the middle of the little business zone near my job. It’s so quaint, I love sitting in the sunshine, watching people enjoy their food and each other’s company. Now then.

Today I was introduced to a magical place within my office building. I’ve been working at this place for almost 5 months, and I had no idea that it even exists. My company basically has offices on both the 3rd and 7th floor in this building. I usually just use the elevator between those 2 floors (not often going up to the 7th floor). So I’m notified of this magical terrace that is located right outside the 5th floor. It is AMAZING! I went out there and ate lunch today, and watched my co-workers hula hoop and just enjoy themselves. I love watching moments where people just kinda melt away from their stiff, corporate selves and show who they really are. Throwing caution to the wind and just doin’ the things that make us most happy (ugh. i’m so jealous of the many <2 year olds that I know in this neighborhood). AHHH! I love my life right now, feeling so blessed!

I'm going to go write now. TAKE THAT!

Here is another picture of the view from my new favorite place in san francisco!

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